4 Reasons Why Online Dating May NOT be for Me


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As much as I proclaim not to be a quitter, it seems like I am actually quitting more frequently these days. At least the things I am quitting are things that are no longer serving me. Things that cause cavities, make my thighs spread, and crap that just irks me to my soul. Online dating may very well be next on the “things to quit” list. As I mentioned in To Date or Not to Date, dating as a single mom is quite arduous, for obvious reasons. There isn’t a whole lot of space and opportunity to meet individuals the old-fashioned way. But who is meeting their new bae in the grocery stores anyway? With Amazon Fresh and Instacart who is even still actually getting up and out to the grocery stores these days? Just hearing Tinder, Bumble, Blackpeoplemeet and ever Christian Mingle makes me cringe. Online Dating is always the suggestion after folks ask (insinuate), “you aren’t dating anyone? Have you tried online dating?” Two weeks ago, I would have responded with something that alluded I was giving online dating a shot, reluctantly but yeah. If someone were to ask me today, I would go with something like “hard pass”. I don’t think online dating is for me. Here are 4 reasons why:

I am not a catalog model
When I first registered and started to build my dating profiles I had the hardest time selecting my profile picture. Some apps required more than one. For a while I had a hard time selecting and sticking with just one profile picture on Facebook, now they want me to pick 6 pictures for one dating profile. The thought of people just scrolling and scrolling through my photos administers some sort of discomfort. This is why I have a problem posting hundreds of selfies on Instagram. It just makes me feel like I am in a catalog that has been shipped all over the US for folks to sift through. I don’t think I like the attention. Not that kind of attention anyway. Also, I don’t do well under photo pressure. Plus, most of my pictures are of me sitting at my desk. I’m not big on walking around asking strangers to take the pics of me. So, I don’t. I rely on me learning my angles and doing the best that I can. I don’t think I care that much.

I have a life outside of the apps
Extremely interested or completely turned off. That’s the way I’m set up. In the beginning, it’s all fun and games. Scroll, scroll, like, like, Hell No, scroll faster… Then the little person who runs my life aka my son interrupts me, I have to make dinner, I go to sleep early. I have a whole bunch of things going on daily. Once the newness of the dating app wears off, I’m over it. My everyday life gets in the way and I forget all about it. One time I logged in and there were messages from 3 months ago. Oops.

I give up easily
I don’t really know the protocol on how long after you match with someone you should receive a message. But what’s the point in “matching” if you’re never going reach out to each other and actually talk? What’s supposed to happen after phone numbers are exchanged? Who calls who first? Do you solely rely on texting each other? I’ve had a few instances when I’ve been the initiator and the reply is super delayed, if any. I don’t have time to beg anybody to return my phone calls or texts. I give up way too easily.

I value genuine connections
For me, genuine connections are everything. I am not into forced pony-tails, friendships, nor relationships. If I don’t feel the connections, I will ghost. Swiping and scrolling leaves me with very little to work with when it comes to connection. It’s just not personable.

As of now, I am done with online dating. It actually scares me sometimes. Did you know there are inmates with public dating profiles? I guess they need love to huh? That’s actually none of my business at this point. If I gave myself more time to think about it, I am sure I could conjure up more reasons why Bumble, Blackpeoplemeet, JDate or any of those other sites are just not for me. They could very well be excuses not to be bold and courageous. They could be valid reasons. It could be a combination of both. Or maybe it’s my time to just sit down and be found.

Have you tried dating sites? What’s been your experience?


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